Things not going your way? Let's talk.

Whether it be Facebook, Twitter, or any social networking forum, think about the characters that you have friended or followed... 80% of them will fall into a category. 

The 'I'm oh so cool look at me' updater.


The 'Ive just been dumped...no Ive not...yes I have...' status-er.

The 'Ive just stubbed my toe' 200 pointless updates a day-er.

The constant 'Im at the gym' check in-er.

The 'Oh wow I'm so hungover... again...' status-er.

I could go on... and on...there will be people that consistently fall into these categories, you'll no doubt have a few names in your head right now - and there will be people that at different times, fall into varying ones.

My point is, that when you think of those names that ring a bell within each category, the communication style that they have chosen to consistently adopt has defined your perception of them as a person.

I have a 'Facebook' friend.

She updates (on what feels like a daily basis) about how hungover she is and what an amazing night it was, or what drinking related injury she has. Rightly or wrongly, I have the impression - that all she does is party and make my own judgement on that. She is actually a partner in a law firm, and monday to friday works like a trojan. So why does she portray the image that she does on Facebook?

I learned very early on in life, that perception is reality. The concept of 'fake it till you make it' strengthens this. People will believe of you... what you choose to communicate to them. Very few people are actually aware of the reality of my life right now, I let them know what I choose to online, and invite my really close friends into my 'real world'.

So why am I talking about the images that we portray online? Simple. 

Those images, on sites such as Facebook or Twitter, are those that we communicate through writing and images. The key word here... Communicate.

Whether it be written communication, communication through the use of sign language, verbal, body language... there is nothing more important in the world.

I would say that I'm reasonably strong at communicating in a work sense, or even helping my friends with that... but when it comes to me, I'm rubbish! At the start of all of this, I was really struggling to keep on top of the cleaning and cooking, and getting frustrated and upset... guess what... I hadn't even told my boyfriend. Nor had I shared my fears about what was happening to me, or what the future held.  We were gradually becoming ships that passed in the night, and I didn't know how to fix it, when I didn't even have the energy for anything else.

We managed to start talking.

And if Im honest, it wasn't carefully planned, or very pretty, but in a bit of a whirlwind we both succeeded in actually saying what we were thinking, swallowing some hard truths, and there were minor stand offs involved! But the outcome was one of becoming 100% united, and open, suddenly I felt supported, and he understood where I was coming from. I have read on some blogs that people find it nigh on impossible to explain the fatigue, and only after the mutual outburst, and having to pause for me to rest on a garden wall in the 100 yard walk from the bus stop to the flat, did my boyfriend and I open up the communication and understanding.

Are you supporting or receiving the support that you need in life from colleagues or loved ones? 

If something is going right for you right now... I guarantee its because communication channels are free flowing and working well!! If they're not... I absolutely promise that you can make them right by opening up those communication lines!

I would encourage you, to start somewhere. Maybe thats simply a cuddle. If you are struggling, desperate to appear strong... just cry, regardless of who's watching! I remember being told once, that if you crouch down and open your arms, whether it be a child, a pet,  they will come to you! Whether you are telling a troublesome teen, or your partner, that you love them... don't underestimate the power of it.  Those three words can turn a relationship on its head.

Even these simple actions may feel like a mountain to climb...but its the first step in opening up those channels... 

Do whatever you need to start the ball rolling. You may find a wave of emotion that you are finally getting things off your chest will result in some raised voices, (I certainly did.) Embrace that, however don't make shouting a regular thing. After initial ups and downs and getting things out in the open, Alan and I are better than ever. You will find that people will be shocked, you will tell them things that never even occurred to them...in my case he just said that he had not even considered the enormity of it all. It will challenge both you and them! But once they know, they know. And their actions towards you, will change too.

Communication is King!

You get the idea. Today, ponder the image that you are portraying, and how you are communicating with those that are close to you. Take some ownership in changing that if need be, and transform some situations.

Becoming Self obsessed? Take a moment.

Saturday morning has arrived!! 

I can finally stop... and reflect upon my week... and that reflection looks like a film in fast forward - everything a blur and hurriedly moving from one moment to the next.... except for 2 big stills. 2 big stills that are exaggerated moments in time, that had a profound impact upon me. Let me tell you about them.

Moment 1. 

Many coffee shops now give people the opportunity to buy a suspended coffee, for someone that may need a warm for the day, and don't have the money to buy their own. They are able to come in, ask if there are any available, and sit down with a steaming mug of their choice, to join 'normal' society for a few minutes at least. I knew that this existed, but had never seen it 'in real life' - as sheltered as that may sound...Until this week. 

Sitting alone, I saw this chap shyly shuffle towards me with his coffee in hand. Trousers held up by string, a big shaggy beard, milk bottle type glasses, dirty hands and face... he  signalled if he could join me and I didn't hesitate. After exchanging a few words, him peering sideways at me, the moment he made eye contact jerking his head to look away, I offered to buy him a sandwich or anything that he wanted. He declined, and we accepted that we would sit in silence. All be it a fairly content one. 

Moment 2. 

A long day at work ahead of me, I stood in line to buy a coffee before my first morning meeting kicked off. Fair to say pretty wrapped up in 'me'. Then I noticed a girl at the front of the queue, waiting for her coffee. My first thoughts were 'poor girl', rapidly followed with a realisation of how condescending I was being - and not poor girl at all. It was replaced with awe of her bravery, courage, determination not to be enveloped by the aesthetically obsessed world we live in and get on with life. One half of her face was 'perfect', and the other severely misshapen. I believe it was caused by Elephantitis. She stood waiting for her coffee, in a very fashion driven part of London, and was getting on with life. Not hiding or avoiding places. She was embracing what must be a very hard existence, where so many people judge on appearance... and disregard your actual soul. 

Why?

Why am I telling you about this? We all have moments like this all the time right? Wrong. 

We all see this all the time yes. Do we take a moment to allow it to have any impact? I would suggest not. At times, I'm certainly guilty of that. When a lady 2 tables along from me had finished her coffee, she caught my attention and gestured for me to move - pulling a bit of a disgusted face, like you do when something smells bad, and pointing towards the old man. She was seeing him yes, she certainly wasn't embracing that moment and allowing any form of reflection. 

That man had arrived in front of me at my table, when I was enveloped with nerves and anxiety, desperately trying to gain composure and focus for the task that I had next in my day. That task was/is to dictate the next chapter of my life, and I was pretty wrapped up in that. But that moment gave me clarity, all of a sudden I realised that actually, my life is pretty amazing. And should 'the task' not go well, things are pretty good right now. One step further than that, rather than just allowing me to acknowledge the real positives that I have, I suddenly had the focus and composure to face it head on. It made me stronger. And by the way, that task went pretty well in the end. 

That girl in the coffee shop, hit me slap bang between my eyes, that I have my health. Yes there have been a couple of questions marks with it of late, that's the whole reason I started writing this blog. Those question marks look like they are going to exist for a while, and I'm finding my 'new normal'. But things could be a whole lot worse and are getting better and better. If I'm honest...I have been obsessing about the fact that I have lost every scrap of fitness that I had. I'm out of puff... and squidgy. Yes ladies and gentleman... it really is that bad. Ive gone up a dress size.... I need to start again with getting a level of fitness...and it won't happen overnight...Disaster!! 

Although tongue in cheek right now, what has been truly upsetting me, is that I have worked so hard to achieve in fitness over the past 2 or 3 years. Career wise I have reached a great point that has taken a decade to get to... and in one moment of slurring words and drooping face... I was hit with a diagnosis involving my brain... and poof!! Fitness gone and career slowed down. 

Now, I realise that it has been a hiccup. Yes a frustrating one, but who knows - it could open doors - its already allowing me to embrace me for me and my life for all its positives. It's challenged me, wouldn't life be boring without that. 

I'm a little ashamed, but I'm not trying to shame you. 

Those moments came along in my life and provided resonating clarity. You may be that girl in the coffee shop, or you may be me.

But I guarantee that whoever you are, no matter what your challenge... the way you live your life right now is providing clarity for someone else. 

Take a moment to think on that.