Its all about the balance.

Dragging my bag of bricks out of bed, 

washing down a couple of Nurofen Plus with a swig of water, the bricks would feel marginally more feather like, and I would get on with my day. Focused on achieving, I wouldn't stop to hear my body screaming at me, and would do just that - achieve. Glancing at my watch and working back how much time I had to fit everything in - I'd throw myself into the gym - push until the sweat was dripping off me, and zoom back home to get ready. Some days I would get ready to go to a friends for dinner, some days it was another night out. Knocking back the painkillers I used to get through it until sheer exhaustion made me sleep.

Loving my friends. I literally would drop everything and drive an hour to help one out. 

Not once did I consider if they would ever return the favour. 

Not once did I consider why I ached so much. 

I thought that everyone did.

Fast forward. 

I am absolutely not perfect, and not quite where I want to be. But I'm truly content in each and every moment of that journey. I still love my friends and would do anything for them, but I do it for those that actually love me too. A few have dropped out on the way, those that weren't happy that I no longer physically killed myself to drive to them when I ached. Not once did they actually digest the reasons why - or it even occur to them that they could have tried. I wish them the best! But I've drawn the line. Ive consciously surrounded myself by people that care. I still love to train! But no longer do I push my body until a droopy smile is the only warning sign that I listen to. I live a balanced life. I still love a night out, but never to the extreme. Nutritionally, socially, mindfully, physically, its all in sync. Sometimes the balance tips a bit - but the fact that I'm tuned in to my body now means that I rapidly readjust. And the result? 

I can't remember the last time I took painkillers. 

I let myself have downtime.

I don't live in a whirlwind of anxiety. I'm happy.

Now I'm learning and opening my mind every day.

So heres the killer statement. MS. Is my gift. 

MS, Demyelination, whatever label you want to give it. It made me stop and start to live my life. I could never have kept up the life I lived before, and unfortunately I ignored every sign my body gave me until I was ambulanced away with a suspected stroke and this journey began. No I'm not a tree hugging angel that never has a down day, I'm a real person with peaks and troughs. But I won't invite negativity into my life. 

Early on in this journey, I met a really lovely guy with MS, who told me that he used to be like me with a good job and life... but that I would eventually accept that I had to give up my career and start walking with a stick. A confusing message that didn't help. 

I will never deliver that same message. 

I welcome the opportunity to learn from others, I wouldn't have got this far without them. And not everyone is in the same place, thats cool. But I refuse to live in a constant stream of drug induced side effects - Ive taken ownership for my life and in doing so started to live it. 

Oh and by the way. I deadlift at the gym and still achieve. You def can too!