Slurring to Superwoman... The Journey. So where am I with that??
Firmly on my way to Superwoman, or rather 'my version'. Thats where! The learning curve has been rapid, the progress a little glitchy, and rather than the end being in sight, I now accept that this is a way of life, and hopefully a never ending curve of (and opportunity to) improving myself.
My greatest challenge has been mental. I made it back to the gym in January.
I was nervous, self conscious, slightly embarrassed, sceptical of my abilities and fearful of causing myself harm - I struggle to define the line between motivation and stupidity, and exercise no matter what level you are at, is all about it being hard. That's what gives results! But taking a step back... the night before I was admitted to hospital last year, I made it to the gym. Feeling quite frankly - horrific. I told myself that results come from going when you least want to... and bob's your uncle the next morning the face droop added to the slurring of speech - and this story started. Now I don't doubt that I would have had the same symptoms the next day with or without the gym that night... but it all added to the fear factor.
Without labouring how mortified I felt,
I just wanted to give up after the first day. Don't get me wrong, when I was given the go ahead for a little exercise last year - my limit of 5 minutes on the cross trainer actually had the soles of my feet shaking - I knew that I had already come a long way. But I struggled to lift a 2KG weight on each arm. 2KG.... I think your granny could do that!! I was absolutely sure that people were thinking how pathetic an effort it was.
Another belter of a boyfriend comment.
If you've read my other posts, you will know that my bloke often comes out with an incredibly motivational peach of a line. This was another of those! Talking about how frustrated I felt, he reassured me, simply by saying that the number on the weight means something only to me. My muscles don't recognise a number, they simply recognise that they are working... and in time will get stronger - at which point I increase that number on the weight. It quite simply carved out a way forward for me, mentally.
The next hurdle was simply to keep going. Followed by realisation that everyone has a story, whether you know it or not. Yes I'm sure that some people thought that my level of effort appeared low, but that was their perception, not the reality!!
The glitches are there,
I started patchily, and avoided the mirror for fear of an uneven smile - now I can lift 8KG on each arm... 4 times where I started 2 months ago!!!!! Most importantly, I feel stronger and healthy. I spent a day skiing this week, if I hadn't started that gym journey I would never have managed - and what's better for your soul than spectacular sunshine and a view of the Scottish Mountains!
There have been quite a few magical moments
that I would like to tell you about. I don't know if I have more of these now, or just now notice them.... but Mary - a late 80 year old little angel, made of sterner stuff than Kevlar and with a heart of gold will be my next tale. This lady both humbles and motivates you just by being her!
