Its all about the balance.

Dragging my bag of bricks out of bed, 

washing down a couple of Nurofen Plus with a swig of water, the bricks would feel marginally more feather like, and I would get on with my day. Focused on achieving, I wouldn't stop to hear my body screaming at me, and would do just that - achieve. Glancing at my watch and working back how much time I had to fit everything in - I'd throw myself into the gym - push until the sweat was dripping off me, and zoom back home to get ready. Some days I would get ready to go to a friends for dinner, some days it was another night out. Knocking back the painkillers I used to get through it until sheer exhaustion made me sleep.

Loving my friends. I literally would drop everything and drive an hour to help one out. 

Not once did I consider if they would ever return the favour. 

Not once did I consider why I ached so much. 

I thought that everyone did.

Fast forward. 

I am absolutely not perfect, and not quite where I want to be. But I'm truly content in each and every moment of that journey. I still love my friends and would do anything for them, but I do it for those that actually love me too. A few have dropped out on the way, those that weren't happy that I no longer physically killed myself to drive to them when I ached. Not once did they actually digest the reasons why - or it even occur to them that they could have tried. I wish them the best! But I've drawn the line. Ive consciously surrounded myself by people that care. I still love to train! But no longer do I push my body until a droopy smile is the only warning sign that I listen to. I live a balanced life. I still love a night out, but never to the extreme. Nutritionally, socially, mindfully, physically, its all in sync. Sometimes the balance tips a bit - but the fact that I'm tuned in to my body now means that I rapidly readjust. And the result? 

I can't remember the last time I took painkillers. 

I let myself have downtime.

I don't live in a whirlwind of anxiety. I'm happy.

Now I'm learning and opening my mind every day.

So heres the killer statement. MS. Is my gift. 

MS, Demyelination, whatever label you want to give it. It made me stop and start to live my life. I could never have kept up the life I lived before, and unfortunately I ignored every sign my body gave me until I was ambulanced away with a suspected stroke and this journey began. No I'm not a tree hugging angel that never has a down day, I'm a real person with peaks and troughs. But I won't invite negativity into my life. 

Early on in this journey, I met a really lovely guy with MS, who told me that he used to be like me with a good job and life... but that I would eventually accept that I had to give up my career and start walking with a stick. A confusing message that didn't help. 

I will never deliver that same message. 

I welcome the opportunity to learn from others, I wouldn't have got this far without them. And not everyone is in the same place, thats cool. But I refuse to live in a constant stream of drug induced side effects - Ive taken ownership for my life and in doing so started to live it. 

Oh and by the way. I deadlift at the gym and still achieve. You def can too! 

Swinging from the Chandeliers - how food is helping me to!

When everything in life has a question mark over it, the only certainty that remains is that you are you, and that is the most important thing that there is. 

For me, whipping away the gym, the drinks and eating out with friends...the fun times, has left me with an awful lot of time to consider the me before my drama, the me now, and the me that I want to be. The latter - isn't going to happen overnight, and I initially suffered that classic 'whats the point?' as the little that I can do now, isn't going to get me to the refreshed/want to be me very quickly. However in a particularly profound moment, I turned into one of those cryptic status updaters on facebook...

"No matter what your current limitations, be the best that you can be here and now. That best will be better soon."

I realised that if I do everything that I am able to right now, to the very best of my ability... even if that best is only a little...gradually I will push those boundaries - and shift my best to better. Next stop? The me I want to be.

Where have I started? 

FOOD.  By food, I don't mean in order to lose the pounds, or undertake any kind of fad. I am stupidly fortunate, that my Sister's best friend is a food geek. And did a little of her own research...that started with a you tube clip. Its about feeding your brain, and eating for your mitochondria... stick with me. Firstly, lets talk about the only thing that matters, the RESULTS. 

After 2 days - I felt mentally alert for the first time in months!! 

Week 1 - Headaches have improved, energy levels are up.

Week 2 - Feeling stronger and not napping every time I get in the door. 

Week 3 - I have just had a pretty much NORMAL weekend!!! Don't get me wrong, no swinging from the chandeliers, but it wasn't ruled by fatigue!! 

I take zero credit for anything related to this diet 

The aim is simply to share with you how great it has made me feel, and hope that sharing it will help some of you to improve what may feel desperate. Yes, I would have gradually improved anyway. But I guarantee that the food focus has massively accelerated me closer to the land of the living. Although only you can be the judge of that for you. My results have been immediate, it may take different people with different problems different times. Now have a look:

MS Diagnosis or no MS diagnosis

This way of eating is a keeper for me.  I'm actually saving money by buying fresh food from the grocers, butchers, fishmonger; And embracing my inner domestic goddess and the satisfaction of eating properly. Yes it takes a lot of thought to begin with, but that starts to become second nature. And as a curry loving foodie - I promise you that it's not as bad as it may sound - its tasty. The best thing? Im never hungry! I would love to hear about any of you that do this already, or how you get on after trying it - tips and tricks would be brilliant.

The one thing that has evaded me so far is the seaweed...its sat in a cupboard for a week - but tonights the night!! Seaweed is getting lucky!!